Suzanne Hollist, CSW and Suzanne Clarke, CSW, CASAC
Everyone is aware of second hand smoke, but second hand alcohol is also
a reality. We are well aware of the serious consequences of drinking and
driving, and know of the affects one person's excessive drinking can
have on family and close friends. (see Does Someone You Care About Have
a Drinking Problem) There has been consciousness raising around the
dangers of sexual assault as it is related to alcohol. We don't want to
minimize the severity of these problems, but most students are impacted
by excessive drinking in less drastic, but more common ways.
Jennie is awakened in the night when her roommate comes home sick and
drunk and she gets up to take care of her. Jack gets a call from his pal
who is downtown and drunk and wants Jack to come pick him up so he won't
get a DWI. Jennie and Jack both have tests the next morning. They had
studied, planned to get a good night's sleep, and get up in time to
review their notes and get to class. Instead they barely wake up in time
to pull on a pair of sweats and a baseball cap and get to the test. They
are not thinking as well as they would like and later are upset because
they missed some questions they really knew.
Mike lives off campus with some friends. He didn't realize that the
friends would use the house as a party center and he can never get any
studying done. He has a hard time getting any sleep at all. Paula gets
up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and finds vomit all
over the toilet bowl and even in the wash basins. Kerry likes to go
downtown on weekends and dance and go to the bars, but she is careful to
space her drinks and not drink too much. However, because she is sober
it seems that she always ends up taking care of someone who is less
responsible about drinking. Susan feels alone and isolated because she
believes she is the only one on campus who isn't going downtown and
partying. Tony joined a fraternity his freshman year. He had done a lot
of drinking in high school and continued to drink in college, but about
his third year, he decided he really wanted to cut back on his drinking.
He still likes his fraternity brothers, but feels he must continue his
heavy drinking if he wants to be a part of the fraternity. Frank went
away for the weekend and came back to school to find that his roommate
had been drunk and angry and trashed his stereo.
There is a perception on the campus that most students are drinking and
drinking a lot several times a week. In actuality, 20% of the students
on this campus report not drinking alcohol at all, and another 70%
report consuming alcohol once a week or less (2012 CORE data). Perhaps
the explanation for the perception lies in the fact that a large
majority of students are affected in some way by drinking. The College
Alcohol Study by the Harvard School of Public Health revealed that
between 65% and 87% of students living on campus experienced one or more
problems as a result of some one else's drinking.
What can you do if you are experiencing the secondhand affect of someone
else's drinking? Is there anything you can do? In reality there are
times when there is nothing you can do, but there are other situations
where you can do something or refrain from doing something which can be
helpful to you and perhaps to your friends. While you can't change
someone else's behavior, you might be able to change your own.
Sometimes you may feel loyalty to a friend even though they have made
some poor choices. Jennie and Jack and Kerry all seem to be loyal
friends. Part of their self-image may be that they are always there for
their friends. However, by being so helpful, they are jeopardizing their
own well being and may actually be encouraging their friends in
inappropriate behavior. They can't change their friends' behavior, but
they can let their friends know that they don't intend to take care of
them when they have been drinking too much. Unfortunately alcohol can be
deadly and when someone has overdosed, is hurt or unconscious, or has
been a victim of a crime, emergency measures must be taken.
Mike feels that he is the only one in his house who is disturbed by the
excessive drinking. He might want to check with his housemates one on
one and see if all of them really want the house to be a party house. It
may be that he is in the majority. In that case, they can set up some
house rules. If he really is the only one who doesn't want to party, he
may have to make arrangements to move. In the meantime, he can study on
campus or at a friend's, and buy some earplugs. Just because his house
is a party house, doesn't mean he has to be a party animal.
Susan's feelings of being alone and isolated because she is not a
drinker may be the most common complaint on campus. It may be especially
difficult if Susan is a little shy. Some students have successfully
navigated this situation by taking it very slow. If Susan can remember
that she isn't always going to feel this way and stay focused on other
areas, she may find herself with the kind of social life she wants. It
never hurts to focus on studies and grades; a good GPA the first year at
school is a great cushion. At the same time, Susan could be aware of
other opportunities on campus to feel more a part of the school. She can
join clubs around her interests, or get involved with the Center for
Social Responsibility. If she has a religious affiliation, she may make
contact with the Campus Ministry. The important thing for Susan to
remember is that there are many others who feel the way she does.
Chances are Tony's fraternity brothers will be so involved in their own
drinking, they won't even notice that he has cut back on his drinking.
If they do and comment to Tony on it, he can tell them he has just
decided its time for him to move on and cut back. He isn't trying to
tell them what they should or should not be doing. If that is not
enough, Tony may have to evaluate just how genuine his fraternity
brothers are.
The cases of Paula and Frank are a little more complicated. Frank's
roommate has destroyed property, which is a legal problem. And Paula and
her hall mates are exposed to disease spreading conditions. In each
case, getting help from RAs and RDs is good first step.
While we have discussed just a few possibilities, it is easy to see that
drinking can impact almost everyone on campus. For those who are
affected by second hand alcohol there are measures you can take to make
change. If you are planning on making some changes in the way you are
relating to drinking friends, it may be wise to let them know ahead of
time when they are sober. "You are a good friend and I like to help you,
but I'm not coming to get you any more when you're drunk. Take a cab or
get the bus." "The next time throw up all over our room, I'll clean it up
because I can't stand it, but I will also let the RA/RD know what happened." Remember
that any consequences a friend may suffer are a result of his or her
behavior, not yours.
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